In The End, It's All Good?

     I won't lie or sugarcoat anything. These past few months have been extremely and excruciatingly difficult in ways I never could have imagined before. I have faced challenges and trials that I thought I wasn't prepared for. And yet, I made it to the place where I am. I'm honestly in awe.

     A few months ago, in the middle of everything, I came across a quote that I'd like to share with you. It had a huge impact on me and still does, especially today.
"A good day is a good day. A bad day is a good story. In the end, it's all good."
I kept this quote close on hand every day. I was so sure that it was true, because it reminded me of the Bible verse, Romans 8:28.
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

     But as the days passed by, I would still end up in tears by the time night came and I felt alone. Here I was holding onto the promise that God would make this into something good, and yet I still felt stuck in this place where I was completely and utterly alone. For weeks, for months, I would lay in bed at night and ask God "Why is this happening. Here I am at the end of the day, a bad day, and this isn't my idea of a good story! This isn't my idea of anything good. It's still a bad day, it's still a bad story, it's still a bad time!" I was filled with so much anger towards this situation, towards the days that passed.

     Some days would be good. I loved those days and I thought of them as a prize amongst a pile of garbage. But they were far apart and there were few in those bad days. This went on for a while. I put the quote away for a while and ignored it. But it came up last week, and when I saw it, I laughed bitterly and thought "Yeah right. All good? What a joke." and passed right through it. Until this week.

     I had a conversation with someone. They were going through a similar situation and I knew they were struggling with it a lot. I could relate. I still struggle. So I listened to them as they talked, and when they asked for my input and my advice, I gave it willingly. I gave it all from experience of being in a similar situation. We talked until late into the night and in the end, they felt quite settled about it, after I explained some ways I had been helped by others at that time of my life, ways that I had figured out that helped me. The conversation ended on a very good note, of us encouraging each other with the promise that we would talk again soon.

     I went to bed feeling pretty great, happy that I could use something I'd gone through to help someone else and feeling blessed to have had such an enriching conversation with them. It wasn't until today at work, that it all hit me.

     "A good day is a good day. A bad day is a good story. In the end, it's all good." It echoed in my head all morning. I couldn't think of why for the longest time. I felt like my mind was spinning in circles trying to figure it all out, like a puzzle.

     See, I'm not the most patient person. I struggle with that. I always want something instantly. Something now. And for months, I thought "Why isn't this happening? Where's my good story?" at the end of every single bad day. But it never says "At the end of the day." or anything like that. All it says is, "In the end, it's all good." And then I realized, this is what it meant. I had finally figured it out. I had believed in this quote, I had wondered why it wasn't coming through for me, when all along, I'd never really understood the grand significance of it.

     Because until this week, it hadn't been a good story for me. For the past while, it had been anything but a good story for me. But in that moment when someone was going through something similar, when someone was in need of hearing something encouraging, when someone needed to feel not so alone, it became a good story.

     It becomes a good story in the right time. It takes editing, it takes patience, it takes a rough draft, and another draft, and countless corrections along the way, until it really and truly becomes a good story. We hear people talk about this thing called "God's timing" countless times. It's a common Christian phrase and it's one of the most used ones.

     It takes God's timing for a bad day to turn into a good story. And after four months of waiting for countless bad days to turn into good stories, many nights spent wondering why nothing was happening, I feel like I learned the most obvious thing of all. But it's a wonderful feeling. Like solving a mystery after a long search.

     I have a good story. You have a good story. But be patient, take time, and realize that yes, a bad day is a good story, but it won't be right away. It'll be a hard story and it may be a painful story. But one day that story will become something good for someone else who is in the same place you once stood. And that's what makes everything worth it. It is worth so much more than you realize. I hope one day, you're able to tell someone about the bad day that turned into a good story.

Blessings!

Identity

It's amazing how we so easily let what others say get to us. Sometimes even define us. It has power over us. More than we'd ever like to admit. Some of us find our identity in it, Some of us lose our identity in it. Even if what others say is untrue.

Maybe that's not the case for you. Maybe you're the sort who words bounce right off of. Lucky you. I know I'm not. No matter what is spoken, true or untrue, it affects me. Even with Christ's powerful affirmations of who I am in Him, I need to daily remind myself that my identity is found in Christ, not others.

One of my favorite Christian rappers, Lecrae, has a song titled "Identity". In there, it says "Identity is found in the God we trust, any other identity will self-destruct." This is so much more true than we realize. In the past I have tried to find my identity in family. In friends. In a relationship. And in the end, I've always lost it. But in these past few weeks, things have drastically changed.

A lot of times, I sit and wonder, what does it mean to find our identity in Christ? What does that look like? I've been going through a sort of self-discovery period these past couple of months and what I've come to find is that I think finding our identity in Christ has a lot to do with trusting Him. Saying "Okay, God, You're in charge." By doing so, we allow ourselves to be used by Him. Shaped. Molded.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

This past summer resulted in me rededicating my life to Christ. I gave it all to Him. Officially. it was a difficult time that I was going through and I was at a loss for which direction my life was taking. I knew I could never make it on my own. I'd watched my goals and dreams for my life, wash out like the tide of the ocean. So as of July 31st, I made the decision to rededicate my life to God. It wasn't an easy process. I had to let go of what held me down the most, and that's usually the fear of never knowing my identity. Never knowing who I am. Who I'm supposed to be.

After going through that process, I realized that as long as I was striving to be Christlike and make that my ultimate goal, that question didn't matter. That fear didn't matter. It was like it all suddenly made sense.

When I made that choice to follow God wholeheartedly again, I made the decision to do whatever He asked of me, go wherever He called me, all with no objection. It hasn't been the most fun walk, I'll be honest there. But where it's led me so far has made it all worth it for sure.

My identity isn't so important anymore when I'm following God and leading others in that same direction. I have the identity of a daughter of Christ. A faithful servant. A disciple of the Lord. A young woman who puts God above all else.

Life isn't just about finding ourselves. Life is about being someone who brings glory to God, our Maker. In our actions, our words, our daily lives. Life is about Him. So are we finding our identity in others? Or in Christ?

Missing

They say when a part of you is taken, a part of you is missing. But what no one ever talks about is how much? How much is missing?

If there's a puzzle and only one piece is missing, is it a big deal? What happens if two pieces are missing? Three? Four? The more you're missing, the emptier the completion is. The less there is for you to appreciate.

If you're playing a masterpiece on the piano and you miss a note, that's okay, right? But miss another... And another. Miss a whole armada and suddenly you can sense the cringes around you as people fail to pick up on what was once seen as beauty.

Why do we suddenly think less of something as soon as there's a missing factor? Why does it become less important, less beautiful? Now look at it differently.

A girl is missing her mother. She has none. Do you think less of her? Do you see her as less of a whole because that motherly role is missing in her life?

What about the boy who is missing a home? Do we love him less? Do we call him incomplete?

What about the girl who made a mistake? Who gave herself away and feels the consequences? Do we judge her and say her virtue is gone?

No. At least we shouldn't.

Because missing is only a perspective. Missing is only the absence of something. It doesn't define who we are. It doesn't define where our lives will take us. What we do with our "missing" selves defines that.

The prodigal son was missing. He returned. He was missing no more.

God calls all of us. We see ourselves as people who are missing things. He sees our puzzles and says "Come to me. I have what you need."

In Psalm 23, it reads that "He restores my soul." He takes the missing parts of us and brings them together. He creates something new, something that will give us a hope and a future.

God doesn't want us to think about the missing, the absence of our perfection. He wants us to look at it and be reminded that that is what He came for. What He died for. So that we could be made whole through Him and brought together with Him.

In Christ, I am missing nothing. In Christ, I lack nothing. In Christ, I have all I need. In Christ, I am the perfect puzzle. In Christ, I have had nothing taken, but everything given. In Christ, I am whole.

Guard Your Heart

I'm sure many of you have heard the Bible verse on guarding your heart above all else. Many people have different opinions on that and many have different views on it as well. 

Does it mean guarding your heart as in the people you surround yourself with? The things you allow in? Maybe even in a romantic way?

Guarding your heart from the people you surround yourself with can sometimes be the hardest thing. And yet for others, it can be really easy. The people you hang out with should be strong, wholesome, Christian people who encourage you to have clean thoughts and who don't try to tempt you down the wrong path. They don't say things that put down other people and they don't put you down either. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up and encourage you to seek God and do the best you can for Him. In this way, you can guard your heart. 

The things you allow in... This is always difficult. But one thing to keep in mind is that we are to be in this world but not of this world. I'm someone who has been raised to avoid any places that could have something there that could not encourage me guarding my heart. Whether it be a party where alcohol and drugs are encouraged which I strongly dislike, an event where I know only people who swear and talk down on others will attend whether I participate in it or not, or even guys and girls working out in the same gym, which is something I strongly disagree with because of there being something to look at with every turn of the head. I avoid situations where I know the purity of my mind could be compromised. It is my way of guarding my heart and showing my respect for the future man I end up with. Yes, I know many do not guard their eyes anymore because they don't think it's possible in a world full of impurity. Maybe since it's around us, we should get used to it? But I, for one, will never get used to a girl showing more of her body than necessary because everyone does it. I will never get used to a guy openly looking at women and thinking it's okay because everyone does it. I will never get used to someone saying "well it's there so we have to accept it." We don't have to accept anything. I'm a strong believer in guarding my heart this way. I always have been. I always will be. We are to be in this world, not of this world. Avoid places where girls are immodestly dressed. Avoid places where a guy will think it's okay to lust after you, even if you are fully clothed. I know many of you disagree with my thoughts on this, but that is fine. I respect the fact that everyone will have different opinions on these things. 

Guarding your heart in a romantic way is a big thing. I have tried my hardest to guard my heart in this way for 18 years and there are still places of my heart that I keep well guarded simply for the sake of my well being. I decided from the time that I was 14 that I would never fully give my heart to someone until the moment that God said it was okay and that it was safe to do so. I strongly encourage you to do that. We shouldn't be the ones to decide who we should lower the romantic guarding around our hearts to. That decision should be God's and His alone. He will say when the time is right. Do not awaken love before it's time. And God knows the right timing. We need to be patient and trust that God only has the best for us. All we need to do, is guard our hearts, and know that we are safe in the hands of our Father. 

I wrote this for you...

I wrote something for you.
That's right. 
For you. 
Because I want you to know something. 
I don't think you know how beautiful you are. How wonderful you are. How amazing you are. 
Society is always telling you that you're not good enough. That you have to be like everyone else to become more. But that's not true.
I know you compare yourself to other people. I do it to sometimes. I look at other ladies and think "Wow, if only I could be like that..." Or I think "I wish I could have that much style or taste..."
It's natural for us to see others that way sometimes. But it doesn't have to be like that.
You can change that.
You don't see you the way I see you, the way others see you.  
We see your personality. We see your passion when you speak of the things you love. We see the way your eyes light up when you laugh. We see the way you live life. 
When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see you. But you don't see yourself come alive the way we do. That's what we find truly beautiful about you. You might only see the outside, but we see the outside and inside, and find beauty in both. Because everything comes together and makes you who you are. 
If you only knew how wonderful you are then you would know what a treasure you are. You're a rare gem. A jewel. One of a kind. Someone who is unique in their own special way.
You have individuality. You're a child of God. You're the apple of His eye. You are more valuable to Him than anything else. You are His. You are loved beyond belief.
You are never alone. 
You are always safe within His arms. 
He longs to have you accept Him into your life. 
He is someone who will always accept you for who you are, but will love you too much to leave you as you are. 
He will never try to steal your heart. He will wait until you give it to Him willingly.
You are treasured so dearly by Him. By all of your brothers and sisters in Christ.
We see you through eyes of love. The love that we have for you. 
You don't need to concern yourself with what others think of you, only of whether or not your actions bring glory to God.
You may not always feel loved but trust me, you are.
You may often feel alone but trust me, you are not. 
Someone is holding you in their prayers tonight whether you are aware of it or not. 
Because we all blanket each other in prayers.
We all pray for the family of God. 
We all pray for unity between us. 
See how loved you are? The love that we all have for you cannot be comprehended. 
And the Father loves you even more than that. 
So stop looking at yourself like you are nothing. You are created by the Artist. A masterpiece. Without flaws. Without errors. Without anything but love. 
He has a plan for your life so full of goodness you cannot even fathom it. 
He is going to bless you so immensely for being faithful to Him and for holding fast to Him. For trusting Him. 
Even when you struggle, even when you stray far away, He will always wait for you with open arms. Because of how precious you are. 
Never doubt your value. Never doubt anyone's love for you. Never doubt how incredible you are. Never doubt God's presence in your life. Never doubt the impact you have on those who surround you.
You are a child of God. You must never doubt that. 
With love and sincerity, Your sister in Christ, 
Naomi C.

Growing up and living!

Well I did it. I finally graduated high school. I've been super excited and happy this whole weekend, but I don't think the reality of it has fully sunken in. The reason may be because I still have to wrap some things up and do a few exams.

I never thought I'd make it here. I won't say my high school experience has been the best, even though I am home schooled. But I do feel like I have accomplished the greatest thing just by graduating. There were so many obstacles, so many things that would come up and make it seem like I'd never make it here. And yet, I did.

Looking back on my testimony from my teen years, it's such a wonderful accomplishment to finally have all the hard work pay off and be able to stand here and say that I did it. No matter what life threw at me, I did it. It makes everything worthwhile. It just shows what a little perseverance and hard work can do and the drive to get it done.

For the past few months, I looked ahead at this with a sense of dread. Sounds strange, I know, but for some reason, I couldn't get excited about life after graduation. I'm still not entirely sure why this happened, but what I suspect played a part in it was my constant fear of getting older and the constant "What are you going to do after high school?" questions that put pressure on me to "hurry up and decide."

For those of you wondering and still asking, I have decided. I will be working at Stillwood again (Year 3, woot woot!) as a Sr. Counselor before taking off to Paraguay for 6 months. There is also more that I am considering for next year but nothing has been confirmed yet. Eventually I hope to study music more thoroughly in hopes of pursuing a career as a singer. Of course many say this is not a practical career, but I believe in following dreams, even if they do not always seem like realities at first. I am also considering working with children in the future as I have always loved being with them.

The question that is asked the most is "And have you integrated God into your plan?" To me, this is a bit of an obvious question because even in times when I haven't listened to God in the past, I always end up right back with Him and His plan for me. So yes, I believe I am following the direction that God wants me to go. It's not always easy and lately it has caused a bit of sadness in my life, but I know that following God is the best decision I can ever make and God plays a huge part in my life.

I was filled with dread and fear with the idea of graduating, but now, I'm not anymore. I'm really excited for what God has in store for me and I'm looking forward to living life! So for those of you who were wondering, there you go! :) Naomi is all grown up now and ready to roll!

Healing, Inside and Out

I've been learning a lot about healing lately. Physical healing and emotional healing. 

Had another snowboarding accident this year to end my snowboarding season, sadly. So bed rest has taught me physical healing. But through that I learned a lot to be honest. 

Why do we wait until we need to be physically healed, before becoming emotionally healed? I feel like that's how I did it. I was working on healing emotionally, I really was, but I was never actually into it and working at it in the way that I should have been.

I was constantly beating myself up for it. Thinking things like "Just get over it." or "Seriously, Naomi, you shouldn't even still be hurting from this." and the list goes on. I wasn't being patient with myself and I was trying to rush my healing so I could just move on in life.

See, the thing with healing emotionally, is having to meet the opposition head on. You've got to think and register every ugly truth and every painful moment and through that, learn how to think differently about yourself and the way you see others and situations around you. 

I was okay with starting the healing process, but halfway through, the pain was renewed and I just felt worse than I ever had before. So why not just pause the healing, right? That's not how it works. Once you start healing, stopping isn't a good thing. Because then you lose the strength you have and maybe even need to start all over in the future.

I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking, "Okay, this is too much for me, I'm done." Because it seemed like every time I would take a step forward, I would take another two steps back. When really, looking back in the past month, what I was doing was taking one step forward, and another step forward. My perspective on it was negative because my view of myself was negative and honestly sometimes it still is.

The first few weeks of being "under house arrest" drove me crazy. I wanted to be doing the usual. I wanted to be babysitting, playing music, singing, going to youth and church, and going out with friends. Not laying in a bed all battered and not quite broken, but bruised.

It's still driving me crazy to be honest, but God has taught me that it is okay to slow down. There is no need to rush in life. And in that way, I learned there's no need to rush the healing. Healing, whether emotional or physical, cannot be rushed. It's painful, but don't rush it, because it's worth it in the end.

I went out one day with my friend and I admit, I wasn't careful. I was reckless, just like I was with snowboarding. By the time evening came around that day, I was feeling terrible. My head was pounding, my heart was racing, and my ribs were in pain from walking around and doing too much. And that was a setback in my healing process. I almost had to start over because I tried to rush it.

I learned my lesson then. This one that I'm sharing with you. I can't rush this physical healing. My ribs hurt when I do too much, my head pounds if there are too many people around, and my whole way of thinking just totally confuses itself when this happens. I get confused easily and then I forget things.

Taking it slow is okay. I'm still mostly under house arrest. I went out yesterday for a few minutes with my friend and that went really well because I didn't overexert myself. I took my time when I walked and I made sure to recognize the warning signs before a headache came on, and avoided it by doing what I was told to do: Rest in bed. With my friend, of course. Resting by yourself is boring, I've come to realize. ;) 

It's been almost three weeks since my accident. And even though I'm anxious to get back into life, I know I can't right now. I've got to work my way up to that slowly. Take it one thing at a time. 

That's how I learned the right way to do emotional healing. Sometimes we will have setbacks. Sometimes something will come along and we'll feel like we didn't get anywhere. But think about the times you got somewhere and remember those, because those are the most important times. Those are the moments that really matter. Because setbacks are just the countdown before the launch into something amazing. We view them as setbacks, but the people who surround us, view it as still being a healing in process and that's okay.

I'm taking my healing process one day at a time now. I'm growing closer with God and I'm reading His Word. And I'm taking the time to heal. It's saddening that I had to be physically forced down to do this, but otherwise, how else would God have gotten my attention? I was reckless and not listening before. Now I am. And He has my attention.

I was chatting with one of my close friends in Paraguay, Marcy. And she wrote me this: "Remember Revelation 21:4. "He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and it's evils are gone forever." Soon, He'll take away all the pain. Until then, stay strong. Cry if you're sad and laugh when you're happy. And once He comes, there'll only be good. No hurting at all."

And I love the way she phrased that. Because she's right. We're only on earth for a short time. I know a lifetime feels like forever, but it isn't. She said it the way it should be. It helped show me that it was okay to take my time. And I'm going to do that. If it takes me months to heal physically, I'm going to get impatient of course, but I'm going to do that, because I don't want anymore setbacks. And if it takes me months to heal emotionally, I'm going to do that too. Not because I think I have to, but because I know it needs to be done. If not now, then in the future.

I'd rather do it now and take my time. Don't rush the healing. Take your time. Because one day, it will all be worth it. Trust me. And most importantly, trust God in that.