Healing, Inside and Out

I've been learning a lot about healing lately. Physical healing and emotional healing. 

Had another snowboarding accident this year to end my snowboarding season, sadly. So bed rest has taught me physical healing. But through that I learned a lot to be honest. 

Why do we wait until we need to be physically healed, before becoming emotionally healed? I feel like that's how I did it. I was working on healing emotionally, I really was, but I was never actually into it and working at it in the way that I should have been.

I was constantly beating myself up for it. Thinking things like "Just get over it." or "Seriously, Naomi, you shouldn't even still be hurting from this." and the list goes on. I wasn't being patient with myself and I was trying to rush my healing so I could just move on in life.

See, the thing with healing emotionally, is having to meet the opposition head on. You've got to think and register every ugly truth and every painful moment and through that, learn how to think differently about yourself and the way you see others and situations around you. 

I was okay with starting the healing process, but halfway through, the pain was renewed and I just felt worse than I ever had before. So why not just pause the healing, right? That's not how it works. Once you start healing, stopping isn't a good thing. Because then you lose the strength you have and maybe even need to start all over in the future.

I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking, "Okay, this is too much for me, I'm done." Because it seemed like every time I would take a step forward, I would take another two steps back. When really, looking back in the past month, what I was doing was taking one step forward, and another step forward. My perspective on it was negative because my view of myself was negative and honestly sometimes it still is.

The first few weeks of being "under house arrest" drove me crazy. I wanted to be doing the usual. I wanted to be babysitting, playing music, singing, going to youth and church, and going out with friends. Not laying in a bed all battered and not quite broken, but bruised.

It's still driving me crazy to be honest, but God has taught me that it is okay to slow down. There is no need to rush in life. And in that way, I learned there's no need to rush the healing. Healing, whether emotional or physical, cannot be rushed. It's painful, but don't rush it, because it's worth it in the end.

I went out one day with my friend and I admit, I wasn't careful. I was reckless, just like I was with snowboarding. By the time evening came around that day, I was feeling terrible. My head was pounding, my heart was racing, and my ribs were in pain from walking around and doing too much. And that was a setback in my healing process. I almost had to start over because I tried to rush it.

I learned my lesson then. This one that I'm sharing with you. I can't rush this physical healing. My ribs hurt when I do too much, my head pounds if there are too many people around, and my whole way of thinking just totally confuses itself when this happens. I get confused easily and then I forget things.

Taking it slow is okay. I'm still mostly under house arrest. I went out yesterday for a few minutes with my friend and that went really well because I didn't overexert myself. I took my time when I walked and I made sure to recognize the warning signs before a headache came on, and avoided it by doing what I was told to do: Rest in bed. With my friend, of course. Resting by yourself is boring, I've come to realize. ;) 

It's been almost three weeks since my accident. And even though I'm anxious to get back into life, I know I can't right now. I've got to work my way up to that slowly. Take it one thing at a time. 

That's how I learned the right way to do emotional healing. Sometimes we will have setbacks. Sometimes something will come along and we'll feel like we didn't get anywhere. But think about the times you got somewhere and remember those, because those are the most important times. Those are the moments that really matter. Because setbacks are just the countdown before the launch into something amazing. We view them as setbacks, but the people who surround us, view it as still being a healing in process and that's okay.

I'm taking my healing process one day at a time now. I'm growing closer with God and I'm reading His Word. And I'm taking the time to heal. It's saddening that I had to be physically forced down to do this, but otherwise, how else would God have gotten my attention? I was reckless and not listening before. Now I am. And He has my attention.

I was chatting with one of my close friends in Paraguay, Marcy. And she wrote me this: "Remember Revelation 21:4. "He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. For the old world and it's evils are gone forever." Soon, He'll take away all the pain. Until then, stay strong. Cry if you're sad and laugh when you're happy. And once He comes, there'll only be good. No hurting at all."

And I love the way she phrased that. Because she's right. We're only on earth for a short time. I know a lifetime feels like forever, but it isn't. She said it the way it should be. It helped show me that it was okay to take my time. And I'm going to do that. If it takes me months to heal physically, I'm going to get impatient of course, but I'm going to do that, because I don't want anymore setbacks. And if it takes me months to heal emotionally, I'm going to do that too. Not because I think I have to, but because I know it needs to be done. If not now, then in the future.

I'd rather do it now and take my time. Don't rush the healing. Take your time. Because one day, it will all be worth it. Trust me. And most importantly, trust God in that.

You Make Beautiful Things Out Of Us

Well, it's definitely been a while since I've blogged. I've thought about blogging lately, but my heart just hasn't been in it. Tonight feels different though. 

I'm not entirely sure what to blog about really. I guess I'll just do what I normally do. Close my eyes and let God take over. Something I haven't done in a while to be honest. 

Alright, I've got something. True things. There are always things that we're afraid to see in ourselves. Or things that we just can't see. And we don't understand why others see them or how others see them. We only wonder and think they're just plain crazy. We all go through a lot in life. It shapes us into who we become, it shapes us into the person that God created us to be. 

Someone beautiful. It's what He wants for us. He wants us to become someone beautiful. Someone after God's own heart. We have trouble getting there and we have trouble understanding this. We want to be beautiful, but with all the ugly things in the world that surround us, with all the evilness, with all the sin we have in our lives, how can we do that? How can we be beautiful and be the person that God wants us to be?

We think that we can't because we have brokenness. We have brokenness in our lives. We all do. You do. And I know I definitely do. But God takes the broken things and turns them into something beautiful. God takes your pain, he takes your suffering, and he turns it into something amazing, something brand new. Something to use for the glory of God! 

Jesus was a sinless person. He came down to earth to die for our sins. A perfect man came down, and was beaten, mocked, and so much more. He was crucified. He became broken so that we could become whole. But what happened after he was broken? God raised him from the dead. And after being on earth a set number of days, he ascended into Heaven. He was broken by us, God made him whole and brought him to be with God again. 

We are broken by each other. We are hurt. We are mocked. We are bruised. We are battered. But God makes us whole again. God lifts us up from the ground, he renews our strength, he lifts us from the trenches we battle the enemy in, and he makes us whole.

We don't have to be broken. We don't have to be hurt. Or mocked. Or bruised. We just need Jesus. We just need to accept his healing and be made whole. And be made new.

I'm not saying this is easy. I've struggled with this so much and I still struggle with it. "What do you mean God makes us whole? I prayed to be made whole and nothing happened." 

You know what? God makes us whole in different ways. Whether it's God speaking to us through those around us, whether it's reading it from God's word, whether it's God speaking to you directly, or for me, music. Lyrics speak to me. Which is why I've decided to share this song with you. After my uncle died back in March just before my birthday, my Mom played this song. And until today, I had forgotten about it. It talks about how even if the healing doesn't come, God is still God. God is still good. And God is still faithful. 

Even If
Kutless

Sometimes all we have to hold onto
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God, You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God, You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God, you are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless you
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come

Yes, life sucks sometimes and yes, we are broken, but we still have God. We're not totally alone. And we always have hope as long as we have God. I am not broken. You are not broken. Because God makes us whole.

A Temporary Home

     Temporary home. These words have been on my mind for a long time. Almost this whole year. At first, I didn't know why. I didn't understand. What was so fantastic about the words?

     God has been teaching me a lot about things like this. About earth just being a temporary place. And about Heaven being an eternal place. For a while, I kind of forgot about that. I thought earth was where it's at. I enjoy living, I love being here, I love my life! But this isn't where we're going to stay forever. We're going to join God in Heaven one day, forever.

     I'm going to be honest. It took quite a long time for me to fully accept that. With so many people I love leaving earth and moving on to the eternal place, I felt like I was empty inside. Sometimes I still feel empty inside. But God showed me something. He showed me that earth will one day be gone. Earth will be gone, but Heaven will still be here. Because Heaven isn't a temporary place, it's a place that will always be.

     It's a beautiful thing to know. It's amazing to realize all over again that I'll see everyone one day. Because some days when I wake up in the morning, I feel sad and full of pain because I miss everyone. Sometimes I wish people would stop dying, that they would just stay on earth. But this is just the time before we live, this is the place we wait for our heavenly birth. Because God is going to take us all to Heaven one day.

     You know what? Yes, I miss everyone, yes, I want to see them again, and yes, I just want all the sadness to be gone right now. But I am willing to be patient. I know I will be brought together with them someday. But until that day, I'm going to thank God for every day that he has given me in this temporary home. Because I know one day, I will be in the eternal dwelling place of God, forever and ever.

Snowboards, Humming, and Poor Substitutes!

Wow! It's been a while since I've written. A long while. I probably should have blogged sooner, but to be honest, no matter how much I wanted to, I just didn't feel like it. But now I kind of do. I'm not exactly sure where to start. I mean, I've learned so much in these past couple months. I could start with what would be the easiest to understand and then work my way up. But why would I want to do that? I'll just start in the beginning.

Most of you know that in February, I broke my wrist. Ouch. Major ouch. Yeah, I was trying out this cool thing call snowboarding. Everyone kept telling me how fun it was and how I should totally go for it! So I did. I took about six lessons. And on the sixth lesson, I was getting ready for a race, accidentally hit an ice block, and when my stupid board got stuck in it, I fell. So fun, I know. Still did the race though. So HC. But anyways, I'm getting sidetracked again. I had to have a cast on for about 6 weeks. I was not impressed with that. But I learned something very important.

After a week with a cast on, I began to go a little crazy. I missed my violin. I missed my fiddling time. And I must have hurt my ribs a little bit, because it got pretty sore when I sang. So singing was painful for a while, and fiddling was out of the question.

The day after I started to go crazy, a very wonderful woman, who has influenced my life in many ways, and who I call Oma, passed away. She had been battling cancer for a long time and finally went to be with Jesus. I'm not exactly sure of what I should say at this point, but I was definitely shocked. And I was definitely in the I-need-my-violin mode. But of course I couldn't play.

Music is my way of healing. I feel incomplete when I can't sing or can't play. And humming was a poor substitute for it all. Without music, I didn't know how I could possibly heal. So I packed away all of my sadness and left it there. But something strange happened. I suddenly didn't feel like singing. And even though I wanted to play my violin, it wasn't so bad anymore. I felt okay just leaving it all, because I didn't know how to cope anymore.

One week passed and I was totally okay with doing this. But when a few more days had gone by, something else came up. Another very special person who I love passed away. I don't like to write about it and I don't like to talk about it, so I won't. But that affected me a lot. It was sudden and with the last loss so fresh, I didn't quite know how to deal with things. So I got angry. I don't mean the Let's-trash-everything-and-destroy-everything angry. Just the kind of anger that stays bottled up inside.

I was pretty angry with God. I had no way of dealing with any of this. And I felt lonely and different. I had a lot of friends who helped me through this. But a few of them told me that it wasn't okay to be angry with God. Well, why not? We're angry with the people we love all the time. Why isn't it okay to be angry with God? He knows what we're feeling anyways, it's not like we can hide anything from Him. In fact, I told Him a few times that I was angry. I kept loving Him and following Him, but I was still angry.

It took a while to realize something. For so long, ever since I can remember, I'd been relying on music to heal me. To help me through things. To comfort me. Music was my go-to. And that's not how it's supposed to be. I was forgetting that God needed to come first in my life. He was my comfort. He was my healer. He was my strong tower. I can't believe how mistaken I've been until now! I've always thought that I had a pretty strong bond with God. But how strong can it be if I don't even go to Him for healing?

And it's strange, but as soon as I realized that, my wrist was okay to go. Everything was healed. Couldn't even tell it had been hurt in the first place! There was a possibility that it would never fully heal, but with God's powers and my realization, it happened. I've always had faith in God, faith in His healing abilities, but now, I finally have faith in His ability to heal me emotionally and spiritually, not just physically. Because God is a healer in everything.

And yes, things still get rough now and then, and at times, I still question why everything went wrong. But even when things don't look so good, we can't see the bigger picture. We don't know what will happen. God makes beautiful things out of the dust. So when things turn to dust, just hold on. They'll get better. When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.

What Will You Become?

Yeah, it's me again. I'm back. So guess what's pretty cool? Newborn babies. Life. What we do with that life. And how it affects what happens to those around us.

Alright, so I held a little baby today. An adorable little baby girl. Not even a month old yet. I love her cute little fingers. Her little feet. Her beautiful eyes. And it all makes me wonder what she'll be like when she's older?

People looked at us as children and thought the same thing. It's a fact. Some even say things like, "Well, she'll be a writer!" or "She'll be a singer!", etc. I'm even guilty of doing that! But it's fun to see things play out, isn't it?

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with all this. I'm just writing this at random, and I haven't had a main point in all of this at all. Maybe I'll just come up with something on the way...

What about us? Have we grown up to be what others thought we'd be? Maybe someone pointed at one of us and said, "Now there's someone who'll make a difference in the world!" but have we? Have we actually made a difference in the world. I know... I'm young. But if I really tried, I bet I could. Anyone could, if they really tried. So what's stopping you from trying?

Many people die without having made a difference. Do you want to be one of those people?

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." ~ Ephesians 2:10

It's Not About Us

A new year is coming. It's usually the time that people starts asking questions. Wondering where to go next. Wondering what to do. Some are making plans. Others are just letting things roll and wondering where they'll end up.

There are those who are sad the year is over. And those who are relieved. Me? I'm a relieved one. I'm happy this year is almost over and done with. I'm excited about the things that could happen this year. The opportunities that could present themselves.

But there's one thing that we usually miss. Something we often go about in the wrong way. Every year, we ask ourselves these same questions "What should I plan for this year?" "What decisions will I make this year?" "Where will my steps take me?"

What we should really be asking is "What is God's plan for me this year?" "What decisions will God make for me?" "Where will God take me?"

We're not living for ourselves, so why are we acting like we're the ones in control of our own lives. We're living for God, so shouldn't we be talking to Him first before making any plans? So many times when we make our own schedules, we forget that God is the one who is in control. We need to constantly be reminded that God wants us to work for Him every year. He wants us to make our decisions with His presence, with His leadership. Because what is a plan if it doesn't include God's calling in our lives?

It's difficult to always stay focused on that though. But one thing that helps is remembering: God gave us everything we have. Shouldn't we give back to Him?

So this year, instead of asking "Where will my plans take me?" ask where GOD'S plans will take you. Because His plans are the only ones that matter.

Happy New Year to everyone!!!!! God bless!!!

Is Salvation The Only Thing? Part 2

Now, in my last blog post, I pondered on whether or not salvation was the only thing God had/has in mind for us. No, I haven't found all the answers, and I doubt I ever will, unless God shows me Himself. But a few things have been revealed to me.

So far, as far as we know, in the beginning God created us to be companions. Some people take this as God being lonely. And others merely as God just figured He might as well make someone to talk to. Why not make a whole universe and add different stars, moons, and planets, where life is only on one planet, called Earth. God wanted companionship. That is why He created us. But we couldn't just survive the way He lives.

So He created Earth. Now this is a little bit confusing for some. Some think that God only created man because He had animals running around everywhere and needed someone to take care of them. But God knows everything. He sees into everything. Yes, even the future. He knew He was going to need man to take care of it all. He's God! And so He made man.

And God had the companionship that He needed. That He wanted. He had man to chill with. And He could come down onto Earth and just hang. But all would not be perfect in Eden. Oh, no. Someone had to sin. Someone had to just flip everything backward. Morons.

Sin. It separates us from God. And sometimes each other. You all know what happens next. Their punished and kicked out of Eden. And that is when everything is really set in motion. Thousands of years later, He sent His Son. So yes, God did create us for companionship and to be with Him, but because of sin, that ended. And the only way we can get that back is if we come to God through salvation. Through Jesus. Because that's the only way.

God may have other reasons for creating us, reasons that He hasn't mentioned, but this is the number one reason. We live to worship Him, we live to follow Him, and we live to come to Him.

I know, this isn't really anything new, it's something that we all knew before, but still... It's something that we should always remember. We should always remember why we were created.